wat bout pragnant strippers??
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
