I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
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