who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
