Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
