Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
