i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
