i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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