Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
