I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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