Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
