i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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