I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
