none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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