We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
