after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
