White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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