i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
