I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
