Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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