When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
