How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
