ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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