well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
