Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
