Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
