if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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