so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
