So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
And then he peed in my hair
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