She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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