She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
