Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
false alarm. still invincible.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
