I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
