I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
