So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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