omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
