Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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