420 ftw
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
