he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
