bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
