i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
