it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
