I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
