I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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