...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
