My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Randomize
