It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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