who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
