my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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