dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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