Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
