Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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