you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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