Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
