I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
True strength comes from lack of pants
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